Monday, June 6, 2011
After serving in eKidz on Saturday night, I drove down to Aiken. I do not start my new job until next week, so I thought I would spend some time with my grandma. This was something I had been planning on doing all week last week. I was very excited to see my grandma and Victoria.
From Charlotte to Aiken is about a three hour drive. I was fine the entire drive. That is until I took exit 22 off of I-20. This meant that I was about 30 minutes from my grandmas house. I lost it. The song "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" by Justin Moore came on the radio. All I could think was, Philip always waited up for me when I would come down to visit. He would sit in his studio in his red stool and wait up for me. It made me so sad to think that I would be pulling down their driveway and the studio light would be off and there would be no Philip waiting up for me. I was tempted to turn around and drive back home. I did not want to face the fact that he would not be there. When I pulled into my parking spot, I just cried to see the studio light off.
Driving through Aiken this weekend has been so bittersweet. I have many amazing memories in Aiken. Anywhere I have ever been in Aiken, I was introduced to by Philip. I drove by Arri's Grille today. I remember going there with Philip many times. I can't drive through Aiken without thinking of a memory that I share with Philip in that area.
Everyone keeps reminding me that he is better off. I know that he is. He is no longer in any pain. He isn't sick anymore. He is enjoying fishing on his boat. I am so thankful that he isn't in pain anymore. but, it kills me for him not to be here anymore. It isn't right for me to be in Aiken and not see Philip.
Christmas is where the majority of my memories with Philip come from. When I start to think of Christmas this year, my heart starts to break. I don't want Christmas to come around. I have always loved Christmas because of what he made of Christmas. I don't think anything could make Christmas this year a happy time. There will be no 18 foot tree this year. There will be no 8 hours spent on opening presents that no one really wanted. There will be no presents that were lost, and time spent finding those presents. These were things that made Christmas for the England/Terral family Christmas. These were all traditions created by Philip. I hate to think that he will not be around to make Christmas happen this year.
I wasn't suppose to grow up, and he wasn't suppose to leave. Why did these things happen?