Hey, It's Okay!

Whispering Writer has a series called "Hey, It's Okay". I loved it so much that I started doing it too

Hey, It's Okay!

... to be so confused by everything that happened last week.

... to have to remove yourself from toxic relationships in an effort to grow and move forward with life.

... to be so thankful for my job, and the relationships that have stemmed from a little girl I met three years ago.


... to be missing my grandpa a lot lately.  He was the glue that was the holidays in our family.

... to not have any strength but the strength the Lord has given me.

Closing Out 12.25.2011

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Well, there is less than an hour left of Christmas 2011.  I must say that I am happy that this day is coming to a close.  It was one of the hardest days of the year.

All of the death that has surrounded this year has been difficult to do deal with.  All of the disappointments of 2011 has been difficult to deal with.  But, waking up Christmas morning without Philip was the hardest moment of the year. 

This slightly spoiled girl is used to waking up around 6:00 but not allowed downstairs until 8:00am to presents under an eighteen foot tall Christmas tree, presents in the dining room, presents staked two feet tall across the living room...

Philip made Christmas for my family what it was.  He spoiled us beyond measure.  This was his favorite time of year.  He would shop until all of the stores were closed.  He would buy presents from every thinkable and unthinkable place.  In December, his studio would turn into Santa's workshop.  There was a secret knocking code into the studio and entering Santa's workshop's bathroom was never an option.  Philip would procrastinate until Christmas Eve when it came to wrapping presents.  He was typically done wrapping around 2:00 and 3:00am on Christmas day.  Philip loved Christmas.

Christmas this year looked immeasurably different.  I woke up at noon to an empty house and a four foot tall Christmas tree.  I spent the day in my pajamas, watching movies and crying by the Christmas tree.  I miss Philip more than ever today. 

Christmas will never be the same...

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But, as I write this with tears streaming down my face, I think about Philip.  He wouldn't want me crying in bed missing him.  He would want me to be happy today.  He would want me to be thankful for every moment that I had with him.  It was such a blessing to have as long as I did.  He would want me to make new Christmas traditions and move forward.  I can't continue to look back on the path. 
So, this year my family took a break from Christmas.  We each did our own thing.  We will forever remember Philip, but we will begin making new Christmas traditions next year.  Our step forward this year will be going on a cruise for Christmas.

Code Orange Christmas Pt. 2

I hope that you got your tickets for Code Orange Christmas!  Elevation Church is seriously the most amazing church to be at.  Because Pastor Steven only preaches what the Lord tells him to preach, each message is uniquely individualized to your situation.  Every week I walk out of there with at least one take away, one little nugget that was perfect for where I was that day. 

This Christmas worship experience was no different.  Pastor Steven titled this Christmas Code Orange Christmas to signify the urgency of having Christ in your life.  Living with Christ in your life is not a decision you should wait to have. 

Pastor Steven's father, L-Train has been very sick.  Several weeks ago, he was diagnosed with ALS (more popularly known as Lou Gehrig's disease).  He will be given one to three years to live.  Pastor Steven shared this and the story of his father in detail this Christmas.  Pastor Steven had the privilege of praying with his father when he accepted Christ over 5 years ago.  Pastor Steven talks about how his father would be hopeless if he hadn't brought Christ into his life.  But, he knows now that he is part of an everlasting Kingdom and is not going to be brought down by the diagnoses of ALS.

Once again, I was balling by the end of the worship experience.  Not because I know someone dying of ALS, or because I need to bring Christ into my life.  I had tears rolling down my face because Pastor talks about death on a personal level.  This Christmas, a holiday that is spent with family, my family will not be coming together for one meal. 

I am terrified to think that Christmas' will be forever spent separately because Philip isn't here.  I always knew that he brought us together for Christmas, and made Christmas what it was, but I never would have thought that without him, my family would not spend Christmas together.

Christmas is my second favorite holiday.  This year I am surrounded by the thought that I could possibly be spending Christmas day by myself.  My mom, dad and youngest brother will be spending Christmas dinner with my moms friend.  My grandma and middle brother will be enjoying Ruby Tuesdays as a Christmas dinner today and attending church in Aiken tomorrow.  Where does that leave Keirstin? 

By the end of today I will have spent over 14 hours at Elevation Church volunteering over three days.  The thought of driving to Aiken to spend Christmas with my grandma, who needs family most right now, doesn't not thrill me.  But, it is what is right.  But, if I drive to Aiken, that means I do not get to see my mom, dad and youngest brother on Christmas. 

Either way, I will not be spending Christmas with my entire family and the thought of that is foreign. 

Sadly, this year I am ready for December 26th and the mystery of how to do Christmas with Philip will be over.  We will have survived our first of many Christmas without Philip.

A new kinda Christmas

Well, I told you earlier this week that I would show you my Christmas tree.  To the left you will see a beautiful before picture taken Sunday night.  This is my very first Christmas tree that I ever got myself.  I got the tree from one of those places at a corner... sure wasn't the experience this girl is used to.  Next, I got the tree into the house by myself... a lot easier than taking an eighteen foot tree inside.  Then, I put the tree in the stand... that was harder than I would have imagined.  This afternoon, I finally got around to decorating the tree.



Decorating the Christmas tree has been a family event for as long as I can remember.  It is something that we all do together.  It takes the whole family to decorate the trees that I am used to.  I decorate this tree alone.  How weird...

Drum roll please...

I now present to you the finished product...



This tree is a symbol of a new beginning for me.  As much as I  miss Philip daily, I can do life without him.  It will all be okay! Christmas this year will be different, but change is good.  I am using this as an opportunity to grow.

How about you.... Will this Christmas look different for you for any reason?  How are you using the new experience as an opportunity to grow.  Are you all ready for Christmas?  Is your tree decorated?  Are you done shopping?

What does a normal Christmas look like?

Growing up, my Christmas looked a lot different than the typical family Christmas.  I wouldn't even know how to begin describing a normal Christmas.  But, I can describe to you what Christmas has looked like in my life for the past 21 years...

Christmas for my family began in the beginning of December.  Philip would hook up the trailer and strap on the 16 foot bamboo stick.  I wish I had a picture of that bamboo stick...

The bamboo stick came along as our reference.  The tree always had to be taller than bamboo stick. 

When I was younger, Philip, Grandma, my brothers and I (occasionally, my parents would join us, too!) would load up in the Bronco.  We would visit three different tree farms.  We always ended up getting a tree at the third.  I never understood why we had to visit three, to always get a tree at the last.  I'll never know.  The picture above is from two years ago.  We were wandering around trying to find the perfect Christmas tree. 


When I was younger,  Philip would cut down the Christmas tree himself.  As Philip got older, the men who worked at the tree farm would cut down the Christmas tree.  We would load up the tree on the trailer.  The trailer was small.  Several feet of tree would always hang off! 

We would spend the rest of the day pulling the tree onto the porch, getting the tree in the stand and into the house.  It would take all evening to get the tree standing straight.  There are hooks all over the living room to use pulleys to make sure it is perfectly straight.  The picture on the left is a lovely indication of all the work that went into putting a 17 foot tree up.


Day two was the day we decorated the tree. The day began with everyone unraveling and testing the lights.  Each strand had to be tested, each bulb had to work!  Once the bulbs were tested, the lights went on.  Then, the garland and balls.  While the lights, garland and balls were going up, everyone would be untangling and sorting the ornaments.  Finally, the ornaments would go up.

Below is a picture of the finished product two years ago.  Isn't she beautiful?

This year, Christmas looks a little different.  Philip isn't here... Philip isn't here to get us excited about Christmas.  Philip isn't here to take us to the Christmas Tree Farm.  Philip isn't here to make sure the tree is perfectly straight.  Philip isn't here to put the lights up.  He loved Christmas so much.

I didn't want to decorate for Christmas this year.  I want to avoid the day.  I didn't want it to happen.  What is Christmas without Philip?  I went to get a Christmas tree three times this week.  I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I am having my eGroup girls over for a Christmas sleepover this Friday, so I knew I had to decorate.  I bought a white tree from Michael's.  The lights didn't work. 

I took it back and decided to be a big girl.  I bought my own Christmas tree.  I bought a Christmas stand.  I got it in the house by myself.  I got it straight in the stand by myself.  That was difficult!!  Now, I am waiting for the branches to fall so I can decorate it. 

There will be pictures up of my first Christmas tree later this week.  

(Four) Things to be Thankful for... Day Five

27. A song:  There are two songs that I am very thankful for this year.  The first is For the Honor by Elevation Worship.  I wrote a blog post about the line "We'll live our lives as sacrifice until You come again" and what that line meant to me.  That line has completely changed my perspective on a lot of situations, and has taught me to think about things in a new light.  I have shared this thought with several other people.  I am so thankful for Elevation Church and the Elevation Worship team.  They are amazing!  You can click here to buy Elevation Worships first nationwide CD that is titled For the Honor.  The second song that I am thankful for is The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets.  Every time I hear this song, I think about my ex.  Every time I hear it on the radio multiple times in a day, I take the time to reach out to my ex.  I have never regretted doing that.  Several times, it has been important.  God uses that song to speak to me.

28. A gift:  This year I am thankful for my boss getting me a gym membership.  This gift has sparked change in my life.  I am working out at least twice but am upset if I don't make it three times.  I am so thankful that my boss cares enough about me to get me a gym membership and say that she loves me the way I am, but knows I can be healthier and have a better life!

29. Something in my home:  On my dresser sits a picture frame that used to sit on Philips dresser.  One day when I was five or six, Philip took me to Glamor Shots to get glammed up.  He always called me a princess, and that day I got top notch princess treatment.  They did my make up, did my hair, and dolled me up for several different pictures.  This picture frame has two pictures in it.  When I look at the pictures, I remember that day with Philip and how special he was to me.  He always did everything in his power to treat me like a princess.

30. The thing I am most thankful for:  Elevation Church.  Through Elevation Church, I have come to know Jesus in a way that no one has ever taught me.  Through Elevation Church, I have found a group of friends who love me for who I am, encourage me in hard times, and who I can celebrate victories with.  Through Elevation Church, I have found a group of 7 middle school girls who are looking to know Jesus in a more intimate way.  Through Elevation Church, I have learned the importance of tithing.  I can't thank the eight families who moved to Charlotte to start Elevation enough.  The staff of Elevation is par to none.  They never give less than 100% at everything they do.  The volunteers at Elevation pour their heart and soul into the church.  They work harder than any group of volunteers you have ever seen.  I am most thankful for Elevation Church this year.  I am so thankful that God brought me there on that day in May of 2009. 


This five day series on thirty things I have to be thankful for has been truly eye opening.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I am a blessed girl.


Dear Reader,
You may not have made onto one of the categories that I wrote about this week.  But, I want you to know that I am very thankful for you.  I write to you.  I pray that you will read each of my posts and grow from or learn something from them.  I am thankful that since I started writing in 2009, you have read my blog over 1,440 times!  Thank you!  Please continue to read, and to share this blog with your friends!!

Sincerely, .Redeemed.

Taking Time

There are many things that I don't like.  I don't like steak, I don't like putting laundry away and I don't like the word panties.  I don't like sour cream near my food, I don't like not having at least one item of jewelry on, and I don't like reading.  One thing I really don't like is dealing with difficult situations.

As you can read in a post from earlier this week, I have had a lot going on over the past few months.  One thing I have not taken the time to do through the events over the last few months is grieve. 

When Philip passed away, I took a week off of work.  But, instead of spending time with my family and grieving, I spent the week with my best friend.  I knew that with her I could avoid dealing with what was happening.  I only cried around her twice that week.  The rest of the week was filled with random drives, coffee shops, walking the Aiken (s)Mall, getting our nails done, and just laughing.  When I had to come back to reality after Philip's funeral, I didn't talk about what happened.  I quit my job a week later and started a new job. 

When I took Tiger to the vet for what I thought was a broken leg, to realize it was something completely different, I tried to avoid the situation. I didn't stay in the room with my baby as they put him to sleep. As long as I didn't see it happen, I didn't have to believe that he was really gone. Then, I walked downstairs in the mornings and he didn't walk me down, I came home from work and he wasn't at the door waiting for me, I laid down at night and he didn't jump in bed with me. He was really gone... But, I kept moving. I talk to the kids that I nanny daily about him and answer any questions that they have. I just keep hoping that it isn't really happening.

When my great-grandpa had a stuttering stroke, I didn't talk to anyone about it.  I hoped that by not talking about it, it would just go away.  I kept working, I kept volunteering, I took no time to go see him.  I hoped that if I didn't see him, he would have to stick around longer.  Then, he passed away.

When I got a call several months ago about my great-uncle being sick, I just brushed the call off.  He couldn't be at the end all ready.  I still remember the last time I saw him, the meals we ate and the shows that we watched together that summer.  Then, I got a call that he passed away.

In all of these situations, I didn't deal with the difficult situation.  I swept it under a rug.  Out of sight, out of mind...

Earlier this week, when I was asked to walk away from something that meant so much to me, my world was officially turned upside down.  I had worked two years to get to where I was.  I had planned vacations around this position.  I had passed up family vacations for this position.  I had jeopardized friendships for this position.  And, by burying myself in this position, I stepped on toes and was asked to step down. 

As the week has progressed, I am beginning to look at this as a blessing in disguise.  I need a break.  I need to take some time.  I need to take time to grieve the deaths that have happened in the last few months.  I need to take time to see friends.  I need to take time to spend with family.  I need to take time to reevaluate some things with God.  I need to make sure I am only pursuing His goals and not goals of my own desire.

As hard as this is to say, I am thankful to have been asked to step down from something I worked so hard for.

Not Giving Up

Don't give up on the God who has never given up on you!

Pastor Perry Noble

The last six months of my life have not been easy.  I feel as if the valleys in my life over the last six months have been long and unbearable, and not had many mountains in between.  I feel as if God is slowly stripping away everything good in my life.  Have you ever felt like this?

I am by no means comparing my life to people who have lost everything.  I am not comparing my life to people who started with nothing.  This is all just a personal reflection of what is going on in my life and how I feel.

Over the last six months, I have been tempted more times than I can count to walk away from God.  I hate to admit that, but it is the truth.

When Philip died, I wanted to hate God.  Why couldn't He make him better?  Why did he have to go?  I was so tempted to turn away from God.  I was tempted to doubt Him.  I never did.  But, it would have been easy to.

When God told me to do something that made no sense, I confusingly followed, and felt like He didn't meet me where I felt called, I wanted to doubt Him.  I wanted to question His motives.  I pressed on, embraced the struggle because I felt like that is where He wanted me to be.  I was tempted to doubt Him.  I never did.  But, it would have been easy to.

When my great-grandpa had a stuttering stroke (about ten strokes back to back), which caused damage to the entire left hemisphere of his brain, paralyzing the entire right side of his body, I wanted to hate God.  I wanted to question His judgement and ask Him why He was hurting all of these people close to me.  I was tempted to doubt Him.  I never did.  But, it would have been easy to.

When I took my cat to the vet for what I thought was a broken leg, but turned out to be a blood clot that paralyzed his back legs, I wanted to get mad at God.  Didn't God know how much Tiger meant to me?  Didn't God know that Tiger was like a child to me?  Hadn't He heard all of the conversations I had with various people about how I hoped to die before Tiger, because I wouldn't know how to live without him?  Didn't He know how much I would miss Tiger walking me down the stairs at the morning, greeting me at the door in the evenings and snuggling with me at night?  I was tempted to doubt Him.  I never did.  But, it would have been easy to.

When my great-grandpa and great-uncle passed away, and I was asked to step down from a role I had worked so hard for in one day, I was tempted to be very angry at God.  He knew how much these people meant to me, right?  He knew how hard I had worked to get in the position, right?  Why was He doing this to me?  I was tempted to doubt Him.  I never did.  But, it would have been easy to.

That "one day" was today.  The moment I was about to doubt God, I began to remember a sermon I was listening to recently by Pastor Perry Noble of Newspring Church.  The sermon was on the life of Job.  He mentioned chapters one and two of Job, where God and the devil are talking.  The devil had to get permission to do anything to God. 

The devil has been granted permission from God to put these hurdles in front of me.  I can react in one of two ways.  Way One - Walk away from everything I have worked so hard on, what I have built my beliefs on and where I believe I am suppose to be based a series of bad events.  Way Two - Embrace this, work harder and prove everyone that I will do what God has called me to do no matter what! 

Way one seems much easier.  It seems much more appealing.  As much as I would like to take the easier route, I have yet to take the easier route and will not start now.  I will be embracing this battle, working harder at the goal God has set before me. 

I will not doubt God.  I will not give up on Him.  I will not walk away from Him.

Death

Death is probably one of the scariest words to me.  Death terrifies me.  My death and other peoples death.  I don't enjoy talking about death.  I don't enjoy thinking about death. 

Death has been more common this year than I would have liked for it to be. 

In May, Philip passed away.  It wasn't a surprise, but it still hurt to lose him.  I stood at the end of his hospital bed, and was with him until his last breath.  Watching someone who meant so much to me leave the world is an experience I will never forget.

Last week, I had to put my cat so sleep.  He was about five and a half.  I took him to the vet thinking that he had a broken leg.  It turned out that he had a heart murmur, which caused a blood clot in his back, which caused his rear legs to be paralyzed.  I promise you, putting him to sleep was the last thing I wanted to do.  If I had unlimited funds, I would have done all that I could to make him better.  Sadly, I do not have unlimited funds.  So, I put him out of his pain and sent him on.

My great-grandpa is very sick.  He recently had a stuttering stroke which caused damage to the entire left hemisphere of his brain.  He is non-responsive.  He is paralyzed on the right side of his body.  Doctors were saying that he would pass soon.  This week they changed their mind, and said that as long as he eats a tablespoon of food a day, he could go on like this for months.  Knowing that my great-grandpa is in this state is painful. 

I know that death is a part of life.  I will die.  That is a fact I can not avoid.  But, no one I have known to die has died an easy death. Everyone has been in pain.  Everyone was in pain for months, if not years.  The idea of  me dying a slow, miserable, painful death freaks me out.

I just keep wondering why I am having to deal with the people and animals closest to me to die this year?  Is He preparing me for something?  Is He wanting me to become more comfortable with the idea of death?  Why??

The Ghost of Fourth of July's Past.

Let me start by saying, I am not sure where this post is going.  I just know I need to write.  :-/  Feel free to leave now because I may begin to ramble, and this may not really go anywhere.

I love fireworks. I love the sound of fireworks. I love how they look in the sky. I love the beauty of fireworks. I love how something so magnificent is inside something so small. It is pretty amazing. 

Fourth of July growing up was always my third favorite holiday.  Philip would by fireworks for weeks.  The Lockridges would come over.  There was often a cook out on the porch.  Victoria and I were not as interested in the hamburgers as we were looking for neighbors fireworks in the sky.  Philip would never shoot off fireworks until after 9:00, because otherwise it would be too bright outside.  Never a moment before 9:00.  We had the skin so soft lathered on, sparklers galore, and countless fireworks.  All of the lights in the house had to be off.  There were chairs lined up, Victoria and I always sat on the bench.  We would always sit and enjoy an amazing firework show.  Philip put together better shows than any professional could do. 

Yesterday was not so amazing.  I know I haven't been to Aiken to see one of Philips amazing shows since I was 14.  But, something about knowing that I missed out on six years of fireworks with him to work kills me.  Something about knowing that I will never get to see one of his amazing firework shows again, something about knowing my (future) kids will never get to see one of his amazing firework shows... It just breaks my heart.

I didn't want to be anti-social and lay in bed and cry like I wanted to.  I went to Nicki's house for firework extravaganza.  As I sat in her yard watching her husband shoot off fireworks, I couldn't enjoy it. 

I came home and watched the DVD created by the funeral home for his funeral.  I hadn't done that yet.  I cried so hard and so much that I had a headache.  I miss him so much.  I wish I hadn't been so selfish the past six years.  I wish I had spent them with him. 

(If you read through this, thanks.  I am officially balling my eyes out again.) 

Visit to Aiken

After serving in eKidz on Saturday night, I drove down to Aiken.  I do not start my new job until next week, so I thought I would spend some time with my grandma.  This was something I had been planning on doing all week last week.  I was very excited to see my grandma and Victoria.

From Charlotte to Aiken is about a three hour drive.  I was fine the entire drive.  That is until I took exit 22 off of I-20.  This meant that I was about 30 minutes from my grandmas house.  I lost it.  The song "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" by Justin Moore came on the radio.  All I could think was, Philip always waited up for me when I would come down to visit.  He would sit in his studio in his red stool and wait up for me.  It made me so sad to think that I would be pulling down their driveway and the studio light would be off and there would be no Philip waiting up for me.  I was tempted to turn around and drive back home.  I did not want to face the fact that he would not be there.  When I pulled into my parking spot, I just cried to see the studio light off.

Driving through Aiken this weekend has been so bittersweet.  I have many amazing memories in Aiken.  Anywhere I have ever been in Aiken, I was introduced to by Philip.  I drove by Arri's Grille today.  I remember going there with Philip many times.  I can't drive through Aiken without thinking of a memory that I share with Philip in that area. 

Everyone keeps reminding me that he is better off.  I know that he is.  He is no longer in any pain.  He isn't sick anymore.  He is enjoying fishing on his boat.  I am so thankful that he isn't in pain anymore.  but, it kills me for him not to be here anymore.  It isn't right for me to be in Aiken and not see Philip. 

Christmas is where the majority of my memories with Philip come from.  When I start to think of Christmas this year, my heart starts to break.  I don't want Christmas to come around.  I have always loved Christmas because of what he made of Christmas.  I don't think anything could make Christmas this year a happy time.  There will be no 18 foot tree this year.  There will be no 8 hours spent on opening presents that no one really wanted.  There will be no presents that were lost, and time spent finding those presents.  These were things that made Christmas for the England/Terral family Christmas.  These were all traditions created by Philip.  I hate to think that he will not be around to make Christmas happen this year. 

I wasn't suppose to grow up, and he wasn't suppose to leave.  Why did these things happen?

Philip D. England

I was born on December 2, 1989 to an amazing family.  Everyone in my family dropped everything to be there at my birth.  Several people gave up things in preparation for my birth.  They wanted me to have the best possible life.  I am very blessed.

My grandpa was Philip.  He was my moms step father.  He always said that he was too young to be a grandfather, and told me to call him Philip.  I have always called him Philip.  It is weird to reference to him as grandpa.  Philip gave up smoking when he knew I was coming into this world. 

From as far back as I can remember until I was 15, I spent summers in Montmorenci, South Carolina at Philip's beautiful house.  I remember trips to Aiken State Park when I was about five or six.  I would sit in his lap in his white Bronco.  He let me control the wheel and I would run into trees.  It was so much fun! 

One summer, I planted the idea in his head about how I wanted a tree house.  He built the most beautiful tree house for me in the world.  The tree house has shingles on the roof, three windows, electricity, carpet, a deck, heating, air conditioning and an intercom system to the house.  It has a play set underneath with two swings, a trapeze and rings.  It has a basketball goal and a rope swing. No lie, he built this all on his own.  Just for me.

Philip worked for Aiken County, so he knew everyone who was anyone in Aiken.  He introduced me to hundreds of people.  I remember spending summers in his office.  All of his work passwords were some variation of my name.  He had pictures of me everywhere.  He had a recycled baby jar of food that I had put colored sand in on his desk.  I knew everyone in his office.  We would have lunch at Jaycee's or across the street at Acropolis.  These were my summers growing up.  Me and Philip.  (I wish I had some pictures on my computer of me and him when I was younger.)

Philip always went way over the top for Christmas.  Our Christmas tree was always at least 16 feet tall.  Yes, 16 feet.  One year it was 21 feet tall, we had to cut the top off!  Opening presents on Christmas was an all day affair.  He loved to spoil us, and this is exactly how he wanted it to be. 

For my high school graduation, Philip took my whole family plus four other people to this amazing restaurant in the South Park area of Charlotte.  My graduation presents from him were paying for dinner (holy cow, it was like $400!!!), a pearl necklace and pearl earrings.  This was a night I will never forget.

He has always had heart trouble, but the last few months he became very sick.  It was selfish of me, but I did not want to come and see him sick.  I couldn't remember my Philip being sick.  So, I haven't seen him in a couple of months.

Saturday afternoon, my grandma called and said we needed to come to Aiken and see him.  We loaded up the car on Sunday planing on going to see him in the hospital, saying hey, and going back home to work on Monday.  It didn't quite happen like that.  We got here and he was much worse than my grandma had led on.  It killed me to see him so sick.  He could barely talk and slept a lot.  Thankfully, he knew who we were and remembered memories that we had.  We each spent time with him alone.  I just held his hand for the longest time and cried and cried and cried.  He had a few things to say to me that I will never forget. 

I was in the room when he passed.  It was hard to watch that.  I am very thankful that God allowed me to be with him the day that he passed.  I am very thankful that he is out of pain.  I am very thankful for all of the memories that I will cherish forever.  He was an amazing man.  I can't wait to bring my children to the tree house and show them what their great-grandfather did for me.