"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Yesterday started out as a normal day at my job. My co-teacher and i get along great. We were just doing our thing. After nap time, things changed a little bit. Management has put me in a place for the last few months were I have to do what is right for management and inappropriate for my children. I hate having to do this, because I am going to school to learn how to be the best teacher in the world, and sometimes they ask me not to be. Let me say this though, I love my job! I love my class, I have the best group of parents that I have ever had in 7 years of doing this, I love my co-teacher. I just don't love the management. They pay me a decent amount of money to not have a degree. So, I stick around. But when they begin to ask me to do things that I know are inappropriate, I get upset.
Yesterday afternoon was just another one of these scenarios. I was asked to do something that I know to be inappropriate, but if I were to speak up and say it were inappropriate, I could loose my job. As time went on, I began to get more and more frustrated. I was shaking, I started crying. I had to tell, not ask, tell my boss to come in my room for a minute before I lost my cool. I went in the bathroom and cried and cried and cried. I balled my eyes out. I looked at myself in the mirror and reminded myself that I needed a job. I know I need a job. I can't get fired. I can't walk out. I need a job. I have bills to pay. I can't get fired. I can't walk out. I need a job. I calmed myself down as best as possible, and went back to my classroom.
I left work yesterday feeling very down. I cried a little bit. I asked God why He is putting me through this. I told him that I am ready to put my white flag out and surrender. I am questioning everything about myself because of this job. Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? Am I meant to do this? I have reminded myself that I can't do anything else, because this is all I have ever done. I wanted to hang out with someone, because otherwise I was going to mope in my room alone. Well, I ended up moping in my room alone. I watched The Kids are Alright and ate pizza in my bed. Then, caught up on Private Practice and Cougar Town. I was still feeling very down. Then, I had an amazing conversation with Sam, a girl from my eGroup. Actually, I more talked and Sam just kept me going. I preached an amazing message to myself.
I serve a good God. I serve a God who would never harm me. Jeremiah 29:11 says so. Proverbs 1:33 says whoever listens to Him will live safely. Isaiah 58:11 says He will guide me always. Proverbs 19:21 says that the Lord's plan will always prevail. 1 John 3:20 says God knows everything.
My God will always have my back. The harder this struggle is, the better the reward will be.
So, to you... What are you dealing with today? Do you think He isn't there? Do you think He isn't listening? Are you wondering why He would put you through this? Whatever this may be, He knows you are there. Better yet, He brought you there for a reason. He would not have brought you there if He did not know you could overcome the struggle. God is going to teach you something great here, if you will let Him.