As moving day became closer and closer, I developed this false idea that I could not be scared of what was ahead or doubt the decision I had made. I was making this bold step in faith and I felt like a lot of people were watching this. I wanted to make all of those people proud. I feared that they would not be proud if I was scared. I feared that they would not be encouraged to step out in faith if I doubted my decision.
I say all of that in the past tense, but I realize as I write those words, it is still I very real notion inside of me... the idea that I cannot be scared for the sake of those watching this journey of mine.
I would never lie to you, so I have to be completely honest. There were moments leading up to July 20th that I was scared... scared that I had forgotten a major detail and scared that I would forget to pack something essential. There were moments leading up to July 20th that I doubted my decision... what if I was wrong about God calling me to Texas, what if God didn't meet me in Texas, what if I hated it, there was a lot of doubt on my mind.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Leading up to July 20th was a whirlwind of emotion, but it wasn't all bad. God revealed Himself to me time and time again. Despite being terrible at budgeting and not having a job the last month and a half that I was in Texas, I had enough money to make the trip from North Carolina to Texas happen. My family and friends were such a blessing to me. Everyone was overly generous; opening their homes to me when I didn't have a place to sleep, feeding me, letting me dog, house and baby sit, and encouraging me when my doubts crept in!
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
A friend of mine recently told me that God is in the details. The moments that I silenced my fears and doubts were the moments that I had the opportunity to see God in the details of my life. He was truly moving in every area of my life.