It was unimaginably hard to read on twitter that I'd been passed up once again for an amazing opportunity that I dream of, not be able to tell my mom that I'd been passed up once again, and have to continue defending God's plan for my life. God gave me a vision for my life three years ago, that I continue to pursue despite constant rejection.
I just wanted to scream off of the rooftops - GOD!!??? What do you keep doing this to me?
I could be alone on this. I could be making a fool of myself by posting this on the internet. But, I was mad at God. I was hurt. How could He keep leading me down dead end roads? What did I do to deserve this? I was a faithful servant. I tithe over 20% to my church, I serve every weekend - rain or shine, holiday or not, I read my Bible daily, I pray continually. Was I not doing everything right?! How could He keep leading me down dead end roads?
I was a mess. I didn't read my Bible for about three weeks. I wasn't praying. I was legitimately mad at God. He hurt me.
Then one day, when I realized a few days had turned into a few weeks, I got a rude awakening. I let the devil win. I felt God lead me down a path, I was obedient but it turned out to be a dead end, and I got mad at God. I didn't trust His plan. I turned away in a rage. I let the devil win.
Am I alone? Have you ever let the devil win? Have you ever felt the only way to fix a problem was to turn away from God?
And, today, I'm linking up with Pour Your Heart Out with things I can't say... Because sometimes there are just somethings you can't say outloud but need to be said.
Thank you for stopping by!