Fears, Doubts and Details

The week or so leading up to July 20th, I was an emotional wreck.  I have always tried my hardest to keep it together.  I have this (incorrect) idea that I have to always appear picture perfect to those around me.  The only time for tears or fear is alone.  I've felt this even more than ever recently, as I have made this big deal about following God's lead. 

As moving day became closer and closer, I developed this false idea that I could not be scared of what was ahead or doubt the decision I had made.  I was making this bold step in faith and I felt like a lot of people were watching this.  I wanted to make all of those people proud.  I feared that they would not be proud if I was scared.  I feared that they would not be encouraged to step out in faith if I doubted my decision. 

I say all of that in the past tense, but I realize as I write those words, it is still I very real notion inside of me... the idea that I cannot be scared for the sake of those watching this journey of mine. 

I would never lie to you, so I have to be completely honest.  There were moments leading up to July 20th that I was scared... scared that I had forgotten a major detail and scared that I would forget to pack something essential.  There were moments leading up to July 20th that I doubted my decision... what if I was wrong about God calling me to Texas, what if God didn't meet me in Texas, what if I hated it, there was a lot of doubt on my mind.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Matthew 6:34



Leading up to July 20th was a whirlwind of emotion, but it wasn't all bad.  God revealed Himself to me time and time again.  Despite being terrible at budgeting and not having a job the last month and a half that I was in Texas, I had enough money to make the trip from North Carolina to Texas happen.  My family and friends were such a blessing to me.  Everyone was overly generous; opening their homes to me when I didn't have a place to sleep, feeding me, letting me dog, house and baby sit, and encouraging me when my doubts crept in!

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

A friend of mine recently told me that God is in the details.  The moments that I silenced my fears and doubts were the moments that I had the opportunity to see God in the details of my life.  He was truly moving in every area of my life.


Today, I've linked up with the following wonderful blogs!

M.I.A No More!

I've been on quite a crazy ride over the last few months.  I haven't been so great at keeping you in the loop, so let me give you a quick run down.

Last summer, I began looking at seminary's.  Grad school had been on my mind for years.  It was one of those unattainable dreams that you have as a kid.  Until, one day... it became attainable.  I was entering my senior year of college and grad school seemed like the most logical next step.  Sometime around November, I began dedicating time to looking into schools. 

The long version of this can be found on my Why Texas post.  But just in case a quick re-cap is all you are looking for, here ya go...

In November, God said that I should go to this seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. I kind of thought that He was crazy, and gave Him three reasons I couldn't do it.  He quickly squashed all of my reasons and I began to consider SWBTS as an option.  In January, I spent a day with my best friend.  She really challenged me.  And, on my drive home, I committed to following God's lead.  In March, I applied to Southwestern and I was accepted in April.  In May, I told my parents and in June, I told the world.  Finally, in July... I packed up all of my stuff in a Penske truck and drove over 1,000 miles from North Carolina to Texas!

That's where we pick up!!  On social media, I so aptly named this journey #NCtoTX.  This week, I'll be blogging about all things #NCtoTX... the emotions leading up to the journey, the three day journey and where my head and heart are now.  It's going to be a great week!

My Praise Breaks

Early this week I wrote about what these "praise breaks" I've been tweeting about are.  Today, I wanted to write a little more about these praise breaks.

We've all had moments, days, seasons of overwhelming stress.  Those moments when you are following God, but it's scary.  Those moments when you are asking God for something, but He doesn't seem to be listening.  Those moments when you feel like God's presence has left you.  You are alone, I promise.

The closer you follow God, the harder the walk with gets.  If anyone promised you that this walk was going to be easy, they were lying.  Satan's job is to make us doubt God.  I'd even go as far as to say that if Satan isn't hassling you, you aren't going the right direction. 

I have had a lot on my plate lately.  I have been remembering a time that I feel like God didn't meet me at the end of a road He called me to take.  It has really made me question my decision to move to Texas.  I'm confident that God has called me there, but what if He does not meet me there again?  When I take those thoughts a little too far, I stop to remember His faithfulness.  I have a praise break, sometimes long and sometimes short.  I just remind myself of how good He is.  He has a plan for me in Texas.

Satan knows that God is going to do something huge in and through me in Texas.  If I make this move, God wins.  Satan is doing everything in his power to keep me from making that move.  I will not allow Satan to have any room in my life.  I want God to get all the glory.

Take praise breaks often. Refocus your mind on why you are doing what you are doing.  God is still good in your struggle.  Don't allow Satan to have any room to in your life.  Press forward when things get tough.

Praise Break

If you follow me on twitter, you have probably seen several tweets recently about praise breaks.  I wanted to take a moment to talk about what these little praise breaks are all about. (Side note... if you don't follow me on twitter... why?!  Click here and follow me on twitter, now! You won't regret it!)

Several months ago, Pastor Jentzen Franklin came to Elevation Church to speak to the leaders of Elevation.  He spoke about worship.  I really enjoyed his message and it's something that I rethink often.  He talked about the worship of the angels.

Just to catch you up to speed... Lucifer is Satan, the fallen angel. He was originally a mighty angelic angel, who got to be in God's presence every moment.  One day his thought shifted from worshipping God to imagining people worshipping him like he worshipped God. 

You see, even Lucifer and the demons worship God.  James 2:19 says, "You believe that there is one God? Good!  Even the demons believe that- and shudder."  Demons believe, fear and worship God.  How much more should we worship God?

Franklin said two really powerful things that have stuck with me for over six months.  When Satan brings up your past, it is because He is running out of new material.  We get to choose to praise and worship. 

Make the right choice.  Choose to worship... During his sermon, we kept having praise breaks.  We'd just get up and praise God.  I was balling my eyes out.  You could truly feel God's presence with us.  Those times that it is hardest to worship, or the defining moments of your walk.  Will you still worship when the going gets tough?

My Passion

Earlier this week, I wrote about passion.  I talked about how everyone needs to be passionate about something.  We can't sit back and let life pass us by.  Today, I'm going to get personal about my something.

My something is the lack of woman in ministry.  As I'm moving along in my theology courses, I'm finding a terrifying trend... It's believed that woman serving in a leadership position in a church is unbiblical.  That is supposed to be a place for a man. The woman's place is at home making babies and cooking dinner.  This makes my blood boil.  This makes me go on a tangent.  This makes me loose it.

I believe as long as you are doing what God has called you to do, you are in the right position.  This looks different for everyone, and no one person is doing the wrong thing even if it looks different from someone else.  Before you read further, please know that I think that woman who stay at home, make babies and cook dinner are wonderful people, and as long as you are doing what God has called you to do, you are in the right place!!

I think it is terribly sexist to believe that woman can't serve in a leadership position at a church.  I believe that something needs to be changed.  God has called me to work in full-time ministry.  I'm beginning to be slapped with the realization, that I may run into a lot of closed doors, a lot of churches who have this backwards sort of mindset. 

I want to be a part of this change.  I want to inspire women to step up and let God use them greatly.  It may mean staying at home and changing the lives of those around you.  It may mean working in the corporate world and changing lives there.  Allowing God to use you greatly looks different for everyone.  I think we all need to live up to this full potential.  Woman, more than ever.  Let's stop sitting back and letting our husbands get all of the credit.