Sunday, December 25, 2011

Closing Out 12.25.2011

Well, there is less than an hour left of Christmas 2011.  I must say that I am happy that this day is coming to a close.  It was one of the hardest days of the year.

All of the death that has surrounded this year has been difficult to do deal with.  All of the disappointments of 2011 has been difficult to deal with.  But, waking up Christmas morning without Philip was the hardest moment of the year. 

This slightly spoiled girl is used to waking up around 6:00 but not allowed downstairs until 8:00am to presents under an eighteen foot tall Christmas tree, presents in the dining room, presents staked two feet tall across the living room...

Philip made Christmas for my family what it was.  He spoiled us beyond measure.  This was his favorite time of year.  He would shop until all of the stores were closed.  He would buy presents from every thinkable and unthinkable place.  In December, his studio would turn into Santa's workshop.  There was a secret knocking code into the studio and entering Santa's workshop's bathroom was never an option.  Philip would procrastinate until Christmas Eve when it came to wrapping presents.  He was typically done wrapping around 2:00 and 3:00am on Christmas day.  Philip loved Christmas.

Christmas this year looked immeasurably different.  I woke up at noon to an empty house and a four foot tall Christmas tree.  I spent the day in my pajamas, watching movies and crying by the Christmas tree.  I miss Philip more than ever today. 

Christmas will never be the same...
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But, as I write this with tears streaming down my face, I think about Philip.  He wouldn't want me crying in bed missing him.  He would want me to be happy today.  He would want me to be thankful for every moment that I had with him.  It was such a blessing to have as long as I did.  He would want me to make new Christmas traditions and move forward.  I can't continue to look back on the path. 
So, this year my family took a break from Christmas.  We each did our own thing.  We will forever remember Philip, but we will begin making new Christmas traditions next year.  Our step forward this year will be going on a cruise for Christmas.

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