As you may know, I have been trying to figure out what to do for the rest of my life. At the end of last semester, God firmly put a stop to my plans to get a degree in education. I have been trying for this entire semester to figure out what was next. If it isn't education, what is it? What else am I good at? What else could I see myself doing for the rest of my life?
A few months ago, I began to feel a pull toward getting a degree in Children's Ministry. After much research, I learned that you can get a certificate in Children's Ministry or a graduate degree. I was excited to have a plan for a graduate degree, but still had no idea what to get my undergad in.
As I began to realize that all of my friends would be graduating in May with a Bachelors degree from fancy colleges across North Carolina (and other states in a few cases), I began to work very hard toward figuring out how I could graduate with an Associates degree by May. Every door that seemed half way open seemed to quickly slam in my face. It was killing me to think that I have 75 credit hours and no degree. All of my friends will have degrees and be off to bigger and better things. As for Keirstin? She will be stuck in school, still trying to figure out what to do with her life.
The harder I tried at figuring something out, the harder the door slammed in my face. For instance, today I was looking at colleges in Charlotte and their programs. I found several colleges that interested me, a few programs that made me excited, and finally narrowed 37 open tabs down to two colleges. One school that beyond excited me and one school that had a program that made me get butterflies in my stomach. What do I learn? The one that I got beyond excited about, doesn't have that program in Charlotte. *DOOR SLAM!*
Have you ever wanted to yell at God and tell the Creator of the Universe that His plan was wrong? I have been tempted to do that recently. I want to yell at the top of my lungs,
Hello, God?? Don't You understand how crazy are You being right now? Teaching me a lesson on patience during one of the most critical moments of my life? Toying with my education, is that really a good idea? Can't you just tell me what I need to major in? You can teach me a lesson on patience by sticking me in traffic, or making me wait in line at Starbucks... Right now isn't the best time to teach me a lesson on patience... okay?! Glad we are on the same page now.
As soon as I began to think those thoughts, God grabbed me by my chin and said, "Keirstin! I have always proved myself faithful to you. Remember your finances? Remember your last job? Remember what Jeremiah 29:11 says? I have a plan for you that is far greater than you can imagine. Trust me. Let go of your control issues. Let go of your need to have a plan. And, trust that I will tell you what you are suppose to do next when you are ready."
Now, I sit and pray. I pray that He give me patience. I pray that He put in front of me whatever challenges He needs. I pray that this lesson makes me stronger. I pray that I never forget how great of a God He is. I pray that I will not be tempted to doubt the One who made me who I am. I pray that He give me patience.
Tomorrow, I will post my thoughts on how all of this relates to the movie The Adjustment Bureau.