I have wanted to write about this topic for months. Before people actually read my blog, I would have had no problem putting this out there. Now that people actually read my blog, there are some things that I just don't want to write about.
But, I am about to burst. I need to get this off of my chest. What is the point of having a blog if you can't write about the things that you can't say out loud?
Once upon a time, I guy friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his. Now, by introduced I mean, he gave me his AIM screen name and we IMed each other! We got to know each other through AIM. Out first date was a double date with one of my friends and one of his friends. It was a blind date of sorts. We went to the movies at Concord Mills Mall.
|Our first picture together. Cute, huh?|
|One of our last pictures together.|
It took two and a half years for me to stop hating myself for not trying hard enough, stop wishing that we were still together, stop hating myself for not being a better girlfriend, stop reviewing each argument, stop missing every happy memory and stop imagining us reuniting and living happily ever after.
I haven't figured out how to stop thinking about him, wishing that he was doing well, and hoping that God is moving in his life. I pray for him daily. I may not want us to be a couple again, but I do still care about him and hope that he is doing well!
We only talk when I facebook message him. I don't do this often. About every six months or so. I imagine that he doesn't want to hear from me, so I don't bother him unless I really feel God beating me down to send him a little message. I do want him to know that someone is praying for him, though.
|My favorite picture of us.|
I have a post scheduled for tomorrow about something that I can say out loud, and that I strongly believe as a follow up to this rather sad post.